Not The Bill Collins Blog No.12: "Alien Versus Predator"

I believe that whenever you hear the word 'franchise' linked to a movie or TV series generally speaking one should run away, run fast and run long. A movie franchise (such as say, "Police Academyu", "Halloween", even my mostly beloved "Star Trek") is a cultural or cinematic replication of the fast food chain. When you go to see a 'franchise' movie you will probably get the usual expected ingredients reiterated again and again, with a couple of minor variations and some different personnel serving up what will satisfy you quickly without too much substance.

Hence my less than rapturous appreciation of "Alien Versus Predator" (or as marketed and as referred to hereon, "AVP")
The most frustrating aspect of this film is that the two central 'bad guys', i.e. the Xenomorph alien and the Predator are arguably the most terrifying creations in sci-fi history and yet in "AVP" they become mere carictatures. The exploitation of such iconic cinema monsters is already highly suspect; but to then couple them with a plot as flimsy as a pair of Paris Hilton's thong panties and human characters who should be tested by WADA for cardboard overdose and you get mightily peeved at such a missed opportunity.

I can't however simply turn this into a full-on dump piece, excoriating "AVP" as an utter waste. There are some intriguingly good special effects (the flashback to the Predator versus Alien battles in a Mayan-like metropolis is a high point), and at least Sigourney Weaver had the good sense to avoid this flick. But with almost every scene you feel like you're watching your wallet being emptied cent by cent and all you get in return is an ear ache and some flashing lights in front of your eyes.

Aside from Lance Henrickson the cast are no-names with a similar level of talent, providing just enough vitality to act as targets for either the rapacious Aliens or the coolly cruel Predators. The "who will survive" plot motif is reduced to "who will survive and I don't really care anyway". Plus the conclusion is like a 2-for-1 voucher for the return buyer in the previously referred to junk food outlet. You just know there will be a sequel to the sequel to the sequel to the...ahhhh, forget it!

The most depressing aspect of "AVP" is that for an audience of young males (which is no doubt where the studio heads at Fox first picthed this flick at) in the first decade of this century it probably strikes a fairly effective chord. Mindless violence coupled with characters suffering from personality-void-itis reduces what were two remarkable cinema creations of the seventies and eighties into one note cartoons. I wonder how many of those who had endured the amazing stress of the first "Alien" film, or were fixated by Arnie's one handed defeat of a supreme off-world killing machine in "Predator" could care less about "AVP. Conversely, could the fans of "AVP" have the patience for the earlier films? I think not.

In summary "Alien Versus Predator" is another example of how we the film-goers are being disrespected by the Hollywood sausage machine. They take something we hold to be special, unique, interesting, exciting and then take a Xerox approach to movie making to throw out fading copies without more than a simple mercernary agenda. I wanted to like "AVP" so much, but in the end it left me with the same feeling as if I'd eaten too many McFeasts...and I refuse to see "AVP II: Requiem".

My Rating: 1.5 Bills